So yesterday, I took a quiz and did better than I ever have on a quiz for that class. I was surprised because I hadn’t studied. I noticed something different about this time though, I prayed the entire time through it. The other times I took a quiz I studied for them and depended upon my ability to study and not God. I related this more to my life and realized that I always try to trust in my own ability to do something and not God. I feel like a fail all of the tests He presents before me and maybe that’s because I study and know what I can do, but don’t trust in Him. Trusting in Him is so important for everything.
My whole life has been made up of unfinished projects. I was thinking about this on my drive to class yesterday. It seems as though I have never seen a fully completed project. I always start something, but then I lose my motivation to finish. I go in determined, but come out fizzled. This is how my Spiritual life is too. Everyday I try to start over and be a better person, but find myself never finishing. I just back out and give up. I am so grateful that I serve a God who is the King of Completed Projects. When I sin and fall short, as we all often do, He is there to put back the pieces. If I did this on my own, I would not even be able to put half of myself back together. He makes me whole though. Now as I look at my life, instead of seeing unfinished projects, I look at it as depending on a God who never fails to make it to the finish.
I have been neglecting my quiet time recently and at first I shrugged it off claiming I was to busy. However, I always found time to watch hours of TV. I figured out that it is because I have not been wanting to spend this special time with The Lord. This breaks my heart to say, but I am being honest. I love God and truly believe in Him. I just feel dry as if my overflowing cup has run out. I’m not really sure. I feel as though everything I thought I was doing in the Lord has been thrown aside, that it was worthless. I keep thinking maybe I’m not truly giving myself up to the Lord. I’m holding back a piece of me that I can’t seem to let go of. This is so rough on my relationship with Him. I know everyone goes through this at some point and I am doing my best to turn to God in this situation. He’s so wonderful and I can’t believe that I’m trying to shrug off our time together.
If you need someone to talk to or have any prayer requests, let me know.
Love always and God bless,